Have you ever been broken? It’s irrelevant what breaks you—when you’re that crippled by your own absolute misery everything bleeds together anyway. A gulf forms, splitting distance between your body and the reality around it. The ground beneath you (that once felt so firm) is eroding in a rapid succession of violent landslides until you yourself are sliding into the void, picking up speed and rubble on your way down.
I’ve felt this way before. I was crazy with it—out of control, lost and frustrated. I’d been shot through the heart and it was a melodramatic, self-indulgent moment but it was mine. I cried and I drank for months. I vomited up my tears and the drink and all the stupid pills that I thought would make it easier. It was all the same though—being fucked or not fucked—the pain was consistent.
But he was there. He was there to…
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